


Lilac Wine....

by islasands



Series: Lambski [54]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: M/M, proposal, sheer lultz, vid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-02
Updated: 2011-10-02
Packaged: 2017-10-24 06:01:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/259865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/islasands/pseuds/islasands
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sauli has been out of sorts and Adam is anxious.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lilac Wine....

_You may like to play the song as you read... That was my intention..._

Lilac Wine

Adam didn’t sleep on the couch. He didn’t sleep at all. He drenched himself in wine and music and the darkness coming in from the open doors. He leant on the door jamb, matching his feelings to the autumn night sky; rainy, starless, citified, - its moon surrounded by a dirty pink halo as though it was floating in an oil slicked puddle. Autumn again. He looked back in the direction he would go if he was to make his mind up and waken Sauli. But what would he say to him? “You’ve made me green, green like a leaf. You’ve been shining into my veins, filling them with sugar, and you’ve made me green. But for what? Ripe for sorrow? A leaf must fall? Is that it?”

Adam crept down the hallway and stood in their bedroom doorway. Sauli was asleep. He could sleep through anything. Even through this, their finishing line. For a week he had been so moody, unapproachable, answering Adam’s questions with, no, he wasn’t lonely, no, he wasn’t missing home, no, he didn’t want to go out. No, he felt fine – when clearly he didn’t. Adam went and sat on the bed. He ran his hand up Sauli’s arm. He looked at his closed eyelids. They reminded him of lids on the caskets of jewels. He knew that as soon they were opened  he would be shocked anew by the clear light of his blue gaze, such an odd clarity, as though his eyes were less the windows of his soul and more like glimpses of something external – a beach, a field of wheat, a sunny day.

Sauli’s eyes did open and the shock did occur. “Hello you,” he said, placing his hand over Adam’s. Adam looked at their two hands before slowly withdrawing his own. “Look, I want to know. I need to know. Are you leaving me?” The words stumbled out of him as though he wished he wasn’t saying them. Sauli blinked. “Leaving you?” Adam stood up. “Look, I hate the wank of secret, drawn out, ‘I don’t want to hurt you’, departures. I’d rather have a fucking knife. In. Out.” He made a violent stabbing gesture.

Sauli sat up. He rubbed his eyes. “Fuck,” he said.

“And?” Adam folded his arms across his chest.

“And fucking nothing!” Sauli hauled himself over and sat on the edge of the bed. “You are so badly patient. Always, it is "give me your feeling!" Give it now! You’re like a road thing. Digging.” He held an imaginary jackhammer in his hands and violently shook them. “What do I think? Feel? Want?” He shook his head. “Your plans, not mine.”

Adam glared down at him. “Just answer the question. What exactly _are_ your plans?”

Sauli looked up at him. “You want to know? You really want to know?” He got up and pushed past Adam. “Follow me, then. I will show you my fucking plan. Then _you_ decide. Do I have a good plan? Or maybe only you have those!” Adam followed him. They went into the living room. Sauli paused long enough to roughly push Adam in the direction of the couch. “Sit down, and for your life, one time of your life, listen!” He retrieved his bag, slung over one of the dining room chairs, and took out a slender case. He turned on the television and loaded a DVD. He looked back at Adam. “This is my plan,” he said.

At first there was nothing but static, then snow, then a voice mumbling, and suddenly Sauli was there on the screen, standing with his back to the camera. It was evening, and Adam could see clouds behind Sauli’s head, softly scalloped clouds that looked like scales on the side of an apricot coloured fish. Sauli turned and faced the camera. He mouthed the word, “Adam” and walked off camera so Adam could see that the view was from their balcony. Music began. It was Jeff Buckley, singing ‘”Lilac Wine” – one of Adam’s favourite songs. Adam was torn between wanting to look at the real life Sauli, and being unable to look away from the screen. Where had _that_ Sauli gone?  What was he doing? The camera stayed on the sky. The song continued playing. And then there he was again, stepping into the frame, his back to the camera, standing quite still, looking up at the sky. He turned and gazed at the camera, and then slowly walked towards it until his face flooded the screen. His eyes stared straight into Adam’s, their gaze as clean and piercing as a knife. There was a long pause. “Will you marry me?’ he mouthed at the camera.

Adam leaned forward, and the Sauli inside the screen, as though he knew what Adam, if he were watching, would be thinking, mouthed the phrase again, more slowly. “Will you marry me?”

The song ended. The video ended. Sauli’s face filled the screen, frozen on the last word he had said, lips slightly apart, his eyes questioning. The silence in the room was heady, like a heady perfume. Like the perfume of the song. Adam looked across at the real Sauli, standing in the doorway to the kitchen.

“I was afraid to ask you in person,” Sauli said. He plunged his hands in his pockets. “In case you said no,” he added.

Adam stood up.

“My plan was to go away, and to leave this for you. And to wait.” Sauli went on. He nodded in the direction of the television screen. “I felt - unready. For my love. Like the song.”

He could not go on, nor was there any need to. He had scarcely finished speaking before he was safely in tears, Adam’s arms, and in the future of Adam’s whispered “yes”, and “yes”, and again, “yes”.

“I thought you would never ask,” Adam said, realizing, as he said it, that it was true. He had been nursing that very fear. “And I wanted it to be you who did.” He smiled into Sauli's kiss.

They stood in the darkness of the room, locked in their embrace, rocking slightly, as though unsteady, as though their hearts were indeed, filled with lilac wine... lilac wine.


End file.
